First Times of All Kinds

The first time... ah yes.  Everybody knows what "the first time" means where sex is concerned — it's when you lose your virginity, right?  And that's supposed to be important for some reason, one of the big rites of passage from childhood to adulthood? 

In real life, the first time most people have penetrative sex often turns out to be not that great or defining a moment, and the tremendous importance we attach to it is just another sign of how little attention we really pay to our own sex lives. 

It's nice to have tried that kind of sex, but there are plenty of other nice things to try too.  There are also lots of painful experiences it's great to be able to avoid.  When you look back on your life twenty years later and say, "That was really a turning point for me," or "That was a peak experience," you probably won't be referring to losing your virginity.

When we're kids, we think (because no one gives us any clues to the contrary)  that we're going to grow up and figure out sex the same way we learn to drive a car, and that'll be that.  As adults, most of us discover that sex keeps providing us with new and different rites of passage throughout our entire lives, new "first times" of sorts we never even imagined.  Many of them turn out to be a lot more intense, challenging and important for us than the time we first "did it" the way you're supposed to do it.

This section contains people's accounts of their own experiences of sexual first times of every kind.  Please, if you have experiences you'd like to share, write them and send them to us.  By talking about these things, by being honest and open about them, we can help each other enormously, because it's always surprising how many people come up against the same sexual challenges. 

How many times have you felt around your sexuality, "If only I'd known!  If only someone had given me a clue so I didn't go into that situation blind!"  Well, now's your chance to help someone else not go in blind, by writing honestly about your experiences.

An honest story is often worth a hundred pages of advice.

Examples of Sexual First Times

What kinds of first times are we talking about?  Things like this:

• The first time you discover how good it feels to rub your crotch (but few of us can remember that far back). 
• Your first serious crush (often happens at 4 or 5 years old).
• The first time you masturbate consciously and purposefully. 
• The first time you have an orgasm. 
• The first time you feel horribly embarrassed about your body. 
• The first time you fall madly, passionately in love. 
• The first time you feet seriously inadequate as a male/female.
• The first time you really kiss.
• The first time you menstruate (a girls-only rite).
• The first time you fear you're sexually inadequate.
• The first time you have a real boyfriend/girlfriend as a teenager.
• The first time you feel really good about your sexuality.
• The first time you don't like someone else being sexual with you.
• The first time you use courage to overcome fear and embarrassment, and it works!
• The first time you feel like a total sexual failure.
• The first time you move in with someone.
• The first time you break up with someone you've loved.
• The first time you have sex with more than one person at a time.
• The first time someone you love makes you jealous.
• The first time you try something scary, naughty, forbidden and delicious.
• The first time you tell yourself you can't have what you really want.
• The first time you decide to admit openly to something sexual you've been hiding and denying.
• The first time you betray yourself by not standing up for what you want or don't want.
• The first time you feel sexual ecstasy so strong it's spiritual.
• And so on, and so on... because we've hardly scratched the surface of important first times!