Techniques

If you feel like learning sexual techniques, the place to start is with one of the good manuals such as Cathy Winks' Good Vibrations Guide to Sex or Paul Joannides Guide to Getting It On.  After that, there are more specialized places to look, but by the time you've taken in what one of the manuals has to tell you, you should have a pretty good handle on what to do and not to do. 

But one of the key things about technique is that it's only a means to an end — don't get hung up on it. 

Sex is Like Eating — Technique is Like Cooking

Some people like to think of sex as a sport, often with the idea of becoming super-athletes.  Well, that's just not been our experience in life.  In order to be a good lover, you have to love well and be good to the people you love, and that really doesn't seem to fit the competitive athletic model. 

A better analog for sex than golf or professional football is food.  We all have to eat.  Even though you can get by for a long time on dry dog food if you need to, having a variety of delicious, healthy kinds of foods make eating a delight, not just a biological necessity. 

Eating well doesn't mean you have to be a gourmet cook, though. Not that there's anything wrong with being a gourmet cook, but often the most memorable foods are simple ones that you eat in a nice setting when you're absolutely famished.  By the same token the fanciest, most beautifully prepared meal is not very interesting if you have no appetite.  The same is true of sex. 

Also, different people like different kinds of food, prepared in different ways.  Partly, these differences arise out of what people are brought up with and are used to, and partly out of physical and psychological differences that affect their preferences.  It's traditional for "sophisticated" people (like gourmet cooks) to pretend that their own preferences are better in some way than other people's, but actually, the test of a meal is always personal — how much you like it.  And, of course, we're all in the mood for different kinds of food at different times. 

Learning sexual technique has a lot in common with learning to cook.  There are useful skills that make working in the kitchen easier, there are some general rules about food and sanitation that everyone should follow for safety and health, and there are recipes for different dishes that are great to know

However, don't confuse cooking with eating.  If you're spending too much time in the kitchen worrying about whether your soufflé will fall, and not enough time savoring the taste of what you prepare, then maybe you should worry less about technique and just enjoy yourself more.  Being a good cook is a lovely thing, but taking enjoyment in food is what the whole exercise is about. 

When, on the other hand, you find yourself a bit bored with having the same thing all the time, try a new recipe.  Or try something completely different, that you've never had before. Open yourself up to a new and unfamiliar flavor — there are plenty of nice things to try. 

Just don't fall into the trap of believing that there's some progression of steps you're supposed to follow, railroad tracks you have to be on to arrive at sexual competence.  Each of us is born knowing how be sexual and take pleasure in sex, just as we know how to eat and take pleasure in eating.  Each of us then has to discover and explore for ourselves what our own personal tastes in these areas are and how best to satisfy them over time.