Sex Toys and Equipment

Most people tend to feel embarrassed (and excited!) by the idea of sex toys.  You wouldn't want your neighbor to know what you keep in the drawer beside your bed, because... because why?  Well, isn't it supposed to be private?

Sallie Tisdale, in her lovely and readable book, Talk Dirty to Me, has this to say about a day she spent selling sex toys at Good Vibrations:

I left feeling enormously cheered, and distressingly aroused, the last a feeling I expect would diminish quickly enough with time.  Selling butt plugs, after all, isn't so much different from selling toasters or Chevrolets.  People want a bargain, and a decent product they can depend on, and they don't want to be patronized while buying it.  A lot of my cheer is simply the reminder that there's nothing new under the sun.    (page 121)

The first, last and most important piece of advice I have about sex toys (and I have a whole closet full of them, because I keep finding them sexy) is that you don't need them.  Fingers and lips and household objects can take you anywhere you want to go, often just as well as expensive toys. 

There are, perhaps, two exceptions: vibrators and lube.  These are toys that can make such a difference that you should try to have them on hand if you can possibly afford to (more on them below). 

But if you're like me, buying a new sex toy can be worth it just to turn you on.  Even if the toy doesn't actually do much for you when you use it, just the idea of it can make for lovely, hot sex.  So if you're feeling a bit horny, where do you go to find toys that more or less work as advertised and aren't wildly overpriced?

Where to shop for toys

Local sex shops can tend to be a bit disappointing, but there are some wonderful places to shop online.  Two that are my personal favorites are Good Vibrations and Toys in Babeland, both of which are truly enlightened, sex-positive enterprises.  Of course, there are lots of others too, some of which specialize in various forms of kink.

Vibrators

For many women, a good vibrator is a gift from the goddess, both for solitary masturbation and for reaching intense orgasm with partners.  Of course, people are very different — some women don't enjoy the sensation of a vibrator, and some women only like it under certain circumstances, but in general they're very popular. 

Some guys feel that they ought to be the instrument that induces orgasm, and feel threatened if a vibrator does the job better.  Guys, get over it!  Sex is so much more complicated than putting your cock in her pussy — the important thing is, you're the one she wants to be with her when she comes, so who cares what particular combination of sensations best gets her off?  The important thing for you as a lover is that she has wonderful, rich and satisfying orgasms while making love with you, not how she happens to have them. 

There are basically two different kinds of vibrator, and it's good to have one of each on hand.  One is the big, heavy-duty kind that has to be plugged in, the kind that's supposedly made for massaging the backs of people's legs or arms (yeah, right).  Of these, the Hitachi Magic Wand remains a perennial favorite. 

The other kind is the small, battery-powered vibrator that generally comes in a shape that suggests insertion in some fashion.  Actually, unless you're a guy using one to stimulate your prostate, these are generally most satisfactory when applied directly to the clitoris rather than being inserted anywhere, although tastes do definitely vary.  Two advantages of the small ones are that they produce more subtle sensations than the heavy-duty industrial variety, and they're easy to pack when you travel.  Of course, I've had the embarrassing experience of having one somehow turn itself on in my suitcase noisily while I was standing in the security line at the airport...  oh well, no one actually seemed to mind. 

Speaking of inserting these, a note to boyfriends:  I know that no boy would be rude enough to wonder what it would feel like to stick something vibrating up his ass, but if you are one of those exceptional boys (along with 98% of all others) — either (a) use a condom over the vibrator, or (b) go out and get your own.  Although the smooth plastic of these vibrators appears easy to clean, it can actually very easily carry germs from your ass to her pussy and give her a bad infection.  Not good!  It happens all too often, so be considerate.

Water-based lubricant

Water-based lube is another glory of the modern world.  Although women's pussies self-lubricate on arousal, men's cocks don't, so lube is a gift of the god to a guy masturbating — it makes things feel so good!  In the same way, it greatly enhances hand jobs given by a partner (don't miss out on how much fun hand jobs can sometimes be both for the person receiving and the person giving). 

KY jelly is the old standby in this category, but many people prefer the newer liquid lubes like AstroGlide, even though they are a bit more expensive.

And if you want to try anal play of any sort, you should regard lube as a necessity.  If you're curious to see whether you find anal play arousing, start by experimenting on yourself when you masturbate, using a lube-covered finger or two, having carefully trimmed the fingernails short beforehand.  Again, where anal play is concerned, avoid infections by being careful not to transfer germs from the ass to any other orifice.

Dildos

Dildos are probably the most common sex toys of all, a dildo being anything that you employ as if it were an erect penis.  They've been used all over the world all through history, and probably prehistory as well.  There are some beautiful sculptural ones now available made of unexpected materials like glass and marble, there are plastic and rubber ones that come in a vast variety of shapes and sizes, and there are always suitable vegetable fallbacks like cucumbers and carrots. 

Don't be too disappointed if you find dildos to be more effective for you iconically than sensually — many people find the idea of shoving a great big beautiful cock-substitute into themselves is a huge turn-on, but then don't find the actual sensations they produce to be as exciting as the idea.  Some women do find them effective for stimulating the "G-spot," and some men enjoy using them to stimulate the prostate, but mostly they serve as wonderful sculptural porn, evocative, graphic and archetypal at the same time. 

Many women find it exciting to strap a dildo on and become the penetrator for a change, and many men get turned on by the idea of being taken like a girl.  Again, there's a powerful iconic aspect to this that people can gain a lot of pleasure from exploring — but for best results, work into this kind of fantasy gradually.  A good way to get started is to watch the "Bend Over, Boyfriend" videos that Carol Queen appears in.

Restraints

A lot of people find it very sexy to think of being tied up and helpless during sex.  For obvious reasons, it's not a good idea to act this kind of fantasy out with anyone you don't know pretty well and trust, but under the right circumstances it can be intensely arousing.  There are lovely fur-lined wrist and ankle cuffs available for this purpose, but they're expensive.  Cotton clothes line or old panty-hose will also do the job if you're on a budget. 

Pinchy things

For people who have some degree of pain-pleasure connection (as many people do), adjustable nipple clamps are a favorite, because they can be attached relatively loosely initially and then tightened as arousal increases the victim's pleasure/pain threshold.  Again, though, there's a variety of inexpensive substitutes, from wooden clothespins (ouch)  to a all kinds of plastic clips of different sizes and purposes. 

Thai finger stalls

One of my favorite sex toys of all time is really more of a sensuous massage aid than a sex toy.  In Thailand, there's a form of classical dance known as Fawn Leg, the "Fingernail Dance," usually performed by five pairs of women each wearing a set of brass finger stalls. 

These finger stalls are about six inches long and curve to a sharp point at the ends.  They're worn on the ends of the fingers like metallic fingernails, and look quite graceful and beautiful (as well as a bit scary). 

However, if you lie down on your stomach and present your naked back to someone wearing a set of these finger stalls, and that person artfully carresses your back very gently with the sharp ends, the sensation is incredibly intense.  It isn't painful, but it stimulates your nerve ends to an almost unbearable degree.  People often go into a light trance, and I've noticed that the whole back will blush red as a result of this stimulation.  While it isn't directly sexual, this experience is so sensuous that it can serve as a very nice prelude to sex. 

...and hundreds of other toys!

Go, browse, get inspired.  Even looking at a catalog of all the objects that people have devoted ingenuity to creating so as to spice up their sex lives can spice up yours!  Just don't lose track of the fact that being turned on is what's important, feeling alive — not the toys themselves.