Attitude

Be Generous to Yourself

• You are physically divine:  Your body looks beautiful — its shape is perfect for this time.  Your sexual response is exactly right. 
• You are a very sexy person.  You are adorable.  You have a lot to offer.  You can give people a lot of pleasure. 
• You can find the kind(s) of love you seek.   Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it takes years of seeking — but it's there for you.
• You deserve sensual and sexual pleasure.  You deserve non-sexual massage with no strings attached.  You deserve to get turned on when and how you want and not otherwise.  You deserve to have people do exactly what you ask for a long time, and stop when you tell them to, just for your pleasure.  You deserve to change your mind any time, as many times as you choose, about what exactly it is you want.  You deserve orgasm, if that's what you want. 
• Your sex life belongs to you.  No one else knows what's right for you.  You and no one else should decide when it's time to try something new.  Your responses are yours, not anyone else's.  What is important about pleasure is the feeling of it, not the actions that produce it, and you can compare different peoples' sexual actions, but you can't compare their feelings.  You are the only arbiter of your sex life. 
• You have the power to protect yourself.  It's your right and your responsibility:
        to decide
        in each moment
        what is okay for you
        and what is not.
  
  Another person's wants or needs never take precedence over your own.  It is your obligation to exercise that power of choice.  And when you choose to try something, you also have the power to change your mind in the middle. 
   

Be Generous to Others

• Take pleasure in giving pleasure.  Be aware that more than half the fun is always in pleasing other people.  Be aware, then, of the pleasure you give in letting yourself be pleased.  Be open to discovering and serving the divine in other people.  Be as generous as you can while still respecting your own boundaries.

The following points relate more to sex in a public situation than to a couple alone together, but they're still worth keeping in mind:

• Avoid preying on the pleasure of anyone else.  Keep in mind that you are present to give or to receive — but not to take pleasure from another person without their consent.  Watching someone experience ecstasy is often joyful and erotic in itself, and a lovely part of sexual experience — just be careful that your own arousal in watching doesn't make them uncomfortable.  If in doubt, ask ask ask, and respect the answer you get.
• Be courteous in declining.  If you are not in a position to fulfill someone's request, or find that you must stop doing something you thought would be okay but isn't, be gracious and kind in your refusal, fully confident that honoring your own boundaries is the right thing to do.  Declining a request is an opportunity to offer something else that would be acceptable to you and might satisfy some part of the requestor's desire. Avoid doing this out of any sense of obligation, however — do it only when you really feel like making the gift. 
• Protect yourself without judging others.  While you have a perfect right and solemn obligation to protect your boundaries, it is generous to arrange things so that your boundaries don't inhibit others.  If, for example, another person is doing something that bothers you, it is often better to go elsewhere than ask them to stop.  Keep in mind that judgment of others is limiting.  There is no need for your tastes to coincide with those of other people, but to condemn their tastes is to box in your world unnecessarily.  You can always disagree without condemning.  In the long run, this will save you the embarrassment of harshly condemning practices you later discover you greatly enjoy.