Practical Matters and Safety

Come Clean

In the absence of clothes, a lack of personal hygeine can be more evident and embarrassing than in other social situations. So be aware, you will feel much more comfortable if you arrive clean!

• Floss and brush your teeth.  (but floss at least an hour beforehand so any bleeding has time to stop).
• Shower.  Shampoo if you haven’t done so recently — you may want someone to run their fingers through your hair and massage your scalp.  Wash your body thoroughly (underarms, crotch fore and aft, feet).  Now don’t put those smelly socks back on!  (okay, most of these things are obvious, but some of us are boys).
• Don’t obsess.  Without lots of extraneous bacteria, your body smells great!  It’s as bad to overclean as underclean.  Remember that you’re a beautiful animal.  Subtle scents can be lovely, but go easy — some people are allergic to perfume, non-body smells can become cloying or overwhelming in close quarters, and oils attack latex barriers.  If in doubt, come as you are!

Stay Safe

You know there are lots of nasty organisms such as HIV, hepatitis, and herpes that can be spread through body fluid exchange and intimate contact, so don’t be stupid!  Mistakes can kill you, or stick you with an unnecessary problem for the rest of your life!

Outside of a fluid-exchange-monogamous relationship (one in which you and your partner only exchange body fluids with each other), take simple precautions not to exchange fluids.

There are gray areas.  Some people are willing to tongue-kiss, for example, under certain circumstances.  But be sensible — it’s not worth jeopardizing your long-term health when you can have just as much fun without unnecessary risk.

The same two main rules apply to health as to emotional safety:

• GUARD YOURSELF:  If someone is doing something (or seems about to do something) that you don’t really want or don’t think is safe for you, TELL THEM NOT TO DO IT!  Take your responsibility to yourself seriously.  This is a place you really need to be brave and stand up for yourself, or you can get into a lot of trouble!
• GUARD OTHERS:  Take care to make everything you do safe for other people.  Be informed, be conscious, be considerate, be sensitive.  Ask, ask, ASK, and respect the answers you get.  If you know you have a spreadable chronic infection such as herpes or HIV, take all necessary measures to avoid spreading it!

Be informed and sensitive about safer sex

Here are a few safer-sex guidelines to keep in mind:

• The lovely mouth:  Remember to include this in your negotiations of safer sex activities, since mouths contain all manner of flora and fauna, even if they seem really clean.  You may want to consider what your comfort level is about kissing, and communicate that to your partner, before you get all hot and heavy.  For instance, go slow using your tongue — if you don’t feel sure that the other person is ready for it, hold off.  Building the sexual tension is way better than totally breaking the mood with an unwanted tongue.  If in doubt, ask — it can be very sexy to be asked, "How do you like to be kissed? Describe it to me."  And of course, pay attention to the answer.
• Oral sex:   It's safer to perform oral sex with a barrier. People have varied opinions about where they stand on this one. Be informed and in agreement with your partner BEFORE you get to the point where your decision making skills are out the window! Also, if you do use a barrier (plastic wrap works fine for cunnilingus), putting some lube on the genitals first can make the sensation nicer.  Try eroticizing this whole process — it can be surprisingly sexy if you let it be. 
• Keep germs away from genitals!   Our genital cavities are generally very clean and need to stay that way.  For general safer-sex practices, the best thing is to use clean latex gloves whenever you touch another person’s genitals, particularly if you have any open cuts or scratches on your hands that might spread or receive germs.  The trouble is, some people are allergic to latex, many people don't keep gloves handy, and a lot of people don't realize that it can be sexy to use them.  As a result, the next point ends up being very important:
• Wash your hands!  Just as in food service, it's a really good habit always to wash your hands before sex, and while you're at it you can wash any toys you're going to use too.  This is simple, and a basic courtesy to your partner.  If you realize that genitals are a lot cleaner than mouths, you'll be careful about touching them with anything that might be carrying germs.  In particular, be careful about touching the genital area with anything that's been touching the anus. 
• Condoms are convenient.  For a boy, using a condom with some water-based lube even if you're just getting a hand job makes it much easier to clean up afterwards, as well as a bit safer.  Condoms are also handy for covering any toys that will be inserted in body cavities.  Be aware, by the way, that massage oil or oil-based lube weakens latex condoms and makes them fall apart almost immediately. 
• In general, be considerate.  People really appreciate it if you look out for their welfare.  Try to be aware of the things that could transmit disease and avoid them — for instance, if you’re using a lube bottle, don’t touch the nozzle to the areas where you’re applying it.  Be conscious of body fluids and be careful to clean up after yourself.  Sex is so beautiful and important, it's worth putting some effort into making it as safe as you can.